I am leaving you for LiveJournal. I know this may come as a shock, but the time has come for more features, polls and editing options. It’s not you, it’s me.
Always,
Angel
P.S. If Twitter asks, you never heard from me.
P.S.S (Follow my new blog at Fuckyeahbananas.LiveJournal.Com)
So, I met Jesse’s mom. She’s adorable.
It’s sad that she’s moving to Jordan (as in the middle east…). I know Jesse is really butt hurt about it. He wants his mom and him to have a better relationship, I’m sure. Bright side, she’ll be back next summer and from the sounds of it, she really wants to be more involved with her sons. Good for her.
I came to Jesse, today, with a lot of the things that have been bothering me. He wanted me to stop being so passive, so finally I just sat down with him and expressed a lot of my feelings. I think what it comes down to is I’m that Jesse has a lot of control in the relationship. By that, I don’t mean he’s controlling. I just mean he has the power to shatter my world with one change of his mind and that scares me to death. But, in all actuality, I’ve always been this way with everyone in my life. I’m working very hard on it. It blows that Jesse is getting the test run, but hopefully he can help me with this problem I have.
He’s going to be gone all weekend and I plan to use it wisely. Maybe iron out a few kinks in my day to day…starting with my hurricane of a roommate.
I’m thinking Arby’s,
A
Sitting at work minding my own business.
Wearing leather shorts AGAIN…
Phone rings. It’s Jesse. “Want to meet me, my mom and brother for lunch? We’re coming to your town.”
Uhhh. I haven’t met his mom yet.
Actually I was supposed to meet her two days ago, but for some reason she didn’t want me to come to dinner. That stung a little, I won’t lie. But her and Jesse don’t always see eye to eye, and I’m not completely clear of the story, however, I do know that they are not on the best of terms.
That same day Jesse talked to his mom, he cried like a baby in front of me. Which was weird because I’m pretty introvert when it comes to my feelings…but my motherly instincts took over and all I wanted was for him to be calm and peaceful.
Anyways, I’m going to go say hi to them right now.
Damn these leather shorts,
A
So, I watched Tough Love: Couples. Let me first say one thing, it broke my heart to see girls crying in wedding dresses. I have been there. Once in my life. My relationship with my son’s dad was TOUGH. It was, first of all, unhealthy. It was also abusive, depressing and I was pushed to do things in a relationship, I never would have done.
I remember the day, I bought my wedding dress. I remember my mom’s face when I tried it on. I remember spinning around in front of the mirror and imagining a good life. HOPING for something better. Something I deserved.
I also remember the day it was over. I remember sitting on the floor, crying and staring at that same wedding dress…wondering if I should burn it, sell it or just stare at it.
It’s still hanging in my parents closet.
No girl should EVER have to go through such a trama. I kept the wedding dress to remind me of the hope I had. If I can have just as much hope in a HEALTHY relationship, then consider me ball and chained FOR LIFE.
Relationships are hard.
Moving on. So, when Jesse came home, I never admitted that I looked at his e-mail. I put a lot of thought into it, I even e-mail a former life guru ;) asking what to do. I obviously either don’t trust Jesse (which I have no reason not to) OR, I’m looking for a reason not to trust him because I’m scared.
He’ll eventually find out just how scared I really am, because one day, I will let him read back our relationship from day one. (Hi, Jesse. Sorry about the psycho girl snooping.)
The day he reads it back, I hope, will be a happy day, because there are only two occasions when I will show him this blog. One: If he proposes. Two: If we break up.
I have a lot going on in my head. I believe that we have something special. I also believe that I am finally at a point in my life, where I am mature enough to evolve this feeling into a life. The dark side to all of Jesse’s beautiful light, is that I don’t believe he takes me seriously. I think he WANTS to, but I think he is just as scared as I am.
I would stay tuned, if I were you,
A
So, if you recall a few weeks ago I put myself in time out for going through Jesse’s texts. Hmm. Ok. Curiosity strikes again!
Fuck.
Tonight Jesse asked me to come over when he got off work, but he wasnt sure when he was getting off, so I said I’ll leave at midnight…well its 2:10am. Still no Jesse. Me, being, Curious George and BORED…signed into yahoo to look something up…
Low and behold, Jesse is still signed in.
Hmm. Having learned a lesson…I would ignore that.
Of course not.
The first SENT email I saw (why waste time with the inbox?) was from someone named Ruth.
Open.
Ok, I feel like a DBag, Ruth, is his grandmother.
So feeling childish and stupid, I go to close out and my name catches my eye.
SCROLL DOWN!!!
“I have a girlfriend. Her name is Angel. She’s a cool girl but in all reality, she’s just a temporary distraction.” (This email was sent, while I was on vacation LAST WEEK)s
WHAT.
To give gim the benefit of the doubt, it goes on…something about how girl always change there minds, and how he’s sure I will leave too.
But, um, just the same…I told this boy I LOVE him.
Now…how can I even be mad when he gets home? I can’t confess I read his email, right?
Wow, I have GREAT advice for others, but what do I do when the person I base my experience off of sees me as a “temporary distraction.”?!
It’s because I broke the mirror isnt it?
A
